Have you ever had those moments where you do something and you suddenly have an epiphany of exactly why your horses acted the way they did that one time? Lord knows it happens to all of us, but I thought I’d share some of my funny experiences that I can say the majority of horse people have probably done at one point or another. (Though for your sakes I seriously hope you’ve never had to deal with #2!)
1.) Cutting your nails to short: You freshly trimmed those nails that were steadily growing into claws and collecting heaps of horse dirt under them. Then you head out for your morning feeding and you go to pry that pesky supplement’s lid off and BAM Screaming agony! You grab your thumb and hop up and down. Stick your thumb in your mouth cause somehow saliva is gonna make it hurt less and when that fails you shake it while holding your wrist, cursing every known deity and asking why you trimmed your nails! Then make mental note that if the farrier ever trims your horse too short to shoot him.
2.) Getting a penicillin shot. Have you ever gotten a penicillin shot?!!! It’s called the peanut butter shot for a reason! That is hands down the worst pain in my butt, quite literally, I have ever experienced. Have you ever tried to stand still while a very strong nurse or possibly two weaker nurses labor over pumping the entire injection into your exposed posterior? Talk about death grip on the table, trying not to pass out from the pain, while also trying not to kick said laboring nurses with your good leg because the leg that is connected to the butt cheek getting the shot is now completely useless. The second worst part is it takes AGES for it to go away so your constantly reminded of the horror you had to experience in the doctors office.
Now I can’t even look at liquid penicillin the same. If I ever get told by the vet I have to give a horse THAT shot I’m like “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…..heres a bucket of carrots and some apples and probably a box or two of peppermints and sugar cubes!”
3.) The pokey underwire. To the ladies out there…ever have that underwire that keeps poking you in the mammary? That really annoying poke that seems to distract you from everything you are trying to do that day. As the day wears on and no amount of adjusting will work you go from annoyed to straight up bitchy with any and all people who dare come near you and ask for anything or even speak in your general direction. If it’s pokey enough it drew blood,now you have to deal with itchy boobs to go along with it. No wonder Jack tried to buck me off with that one saddle!
4.) That Itch. Have you ever had THAT itch inside your boot. The one that seems to pop up at the absolute worse moments because you can’t just take your boot off and scratch it… like being in the middle of a dressage lesson. There is the internal screaming of “NO NO!! Please no! Not on my foot! Not in these boots. I gotta focus on my trainer…..focus fucus …Smile…don’t think about it…..OH GOOD GOD IT HURTS….Please just make it stop….I just need to scratch it!” And then you discreetly try to hit the side of your boot hoping that just maybe it will stop the itching but No it makes it worse until your squirming so bad your instructor starts wondering if you’re having a weird epileptic seizure. Yeah needless to say I let my horse scratch his legs when he wants to now.
Well I hope you enjoyed a little Monday morning comedy that all us equestrians can relate to. Hopefully it helped start the day off right with a laugh, a cup of coffee and some horsey love! (Boys….you can ignore #3 or equate it to sweaty boxers….at least my guy friends say it’s just as horrible)
Until next time!
**image: author unknown**